DEADLINES = ?

The haitus and joking around get an F.

I don't know what exactly has been going on with me, but I have not been writing at all. I'm sorry I tried to trick you with those Arthur comics.

I've been all out of sorts in a lot of areas in my life and I need to get back on track. I'm becoming complacent with doing nothing and living at home. It's complete bullshit, let me tell you. I think (hope?) I'm going through some sort of change, a metamorphosis, as a person and most importantly as a writer. You see, before now I had enjoyed a rather easy and fruitful time writing things. Some of it good, some of it will never see the light of day. The point is that I was getting shit done. And I know why.

Deadlines.

I was in school, loving the idea of becoming a writer, because school forced me to write and I loved every minute of it. I liked the pressure to create, to type and scribble. Now that I'm not in school, there are zero consequence to me not writing. Every once in a while I'll get irked reminders from my girlfriend or writing partners, but they know me, and I'm not getting graded, so I know they'll let it slide. They'll understand if I don't feel like writing today. Or tomorrow. Or for three weeks. I could set my own deadlines, but that works for a whopping 0% of the times I try to do it.

I have no willpower.

Does this mean I should have chosen another career path? One with security and all that bullshit?

NO.

It just means I have to grow a pair and change. Make the conscious effort to better some stuff. I have a whole laundry list of things that need changed about myself. It would probably be easier to do just one at a time, but what if they're all connected? Hard-wired into the socket of my withering self confidence and lack of motivation?

If I work out and go to the gym, I'll see changes and perhaps that confidence will bleed into my writing, or my search for work, or my hunt for a Grad School.

I could most definitely just interchange any one of those subjects, put a different one at the front, and that small spark of confidence just might shower through in the same way. So I think it's very possible to do it all at once, because I think it's a whole package. Me. I'm the package. Get it? I go without even one part to that package and I bleed all over the kitchen. Nobody likes that, especially my dinner guests. They (and I) would prefer that I not mess up the linoleum.

I just have to start mopping and put that plug back in.

Easy, right?

NO.

I'll have to force myself at some point, and I'm going to start with writing. Know why? Because I love it. I can't live without it, and want to do it. So I'll start of doing that, because I enjoy it. I'll force myself to write a bit each day, and I'll feel good about myself. And if I feel good about myself, maybe I'll say, "Hey. I wrote that. Let's go RUN MILES."

I hope.

Point is, without deadlines on anything (be it health, writing, finding a job, or a grad school), it's easy to get lost in your own sloth. So, you gotta be your own prick of a professor threatening you with grades.

DEADLINES = B+/A- RANGE